Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

the one with the new baby

Introducing: Lincoln James Alexander







I know I'm way behind on this, but I'm still adjusting to life with a newborn and an 18 month old. So here goes:

Last Wednesday, the 13th, my little angel arrived. He wasn't exactly planned for, but he was well celebrated and well worth the wait. He's a perfect little angel and I already can't imagine life without him. We arrived at the hospital at 7:40 (because we are chronically late and were supposed to be there at 7:30) on a rainy morning.

I didn't get to see my eldest son that morning because he was still sleeping when we crept out of the house after briefing Nana on all the particulars of running my house and my Drakers. It broke my heart to leave my little man without saying good morning to him, but he was in good hands. I also felt very guilty about leaving him without an explanation about how his world in less than three hours was going to be explosively different now that he wasn't going to be an only child. He had a full eighteen months of being the only child and relishing all the attention and love of his mommy and daddy. I felt very guilty that all that was coming to an end, especially without an adequate explanation. But if you've got a way to explain to an eighteen month old about a little brother, you'll have to share it with me because he seemed sort of surprised that this little being followed us home.




Once we got settled into our LDR room, the nerves finally hit. In less than two hours I was going to be cut up and holding a new baby in my arms. After three unsuccessful attempts at an IV insertion, my nurse finally called in the anesthesiologist to do it for her. I wasn't a fan of my nurse after her three failed attempts, but LOVED the anesthesiologist. Shortly after my IV was inserted, my parents arrived with my baby boy. He seemed so grown up, playing and running around in the hospital room. It felt so surreal that not that long ago we were in a similar hospital room awaiting his arrival. I sneaked a kiss from my only son before I walked out of the room and down the long hall to the operating room.





Once there, the nurses and anesthesiologists set about prepping me and inserting a spinal block. Let me just say I'm not a fan of the spinal block. I much prefer the epidural since the spinal block made my blood pressure drop to 80 over 39 and my temperature down to 93.7. But I was still the happiest woman in the world, because my little Lincoln James Alexander was here and healthy. He came out blue and cold, but he quickly warmed up with some oxygen and the heat lamps. He is absolutely beautiful and is the spitting image of his older brother. He came in at 21 inches long (same as Drakers) and 7 pounds, 8 ounces (seven ounces shy of his big bro) at 9:52 in the morning.

This time around with the c-section was so much easier than the first time where I labored for 15 hours and then got cut anyway. I didn't get the shakes, and I didn't have to have Jesus arms (hands strapped down to a board in a creepy manner). I was also the first one to give Lincoln a kiss (thank you, baby) and the first one to hold him (besides the doctor and nurses). James let me have that and it meant the world to me. It was the biggest detriment to having a c-section in my opinion.



He's absolutely amazing and I can't even believe how much I already love this little man whom I've only just met. I don't understand how a heart can hold so much love but it somehow does. Drake's still adjusting to him. For the most part he pretends he doesn't exist, but other times he calls him "gog" and pets him. I'm trying to tell him that Link is not in fact a dog, but his brother, to which Drake will shake his head at me like I'm crazy.

We had professional pictures done today. I'll have to post some as soon as I get the proofs. Can't wait to see them. These pictures will have to suffice for you until then. Love to all, Amy

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Is this the end?

I know for a fact that I have less than seven days to remain pregnant. I know this because I have a scheduled c-section for next Wednesday, the 13th, if I don't go into labor on my own before then. I'm excited, I'm elated, I'm nervous, I'm sad, I'm a little bit of everything right now.

I always said I wanted two to three children. Now that I'm at that two children mark (and three really already, if you count my step-daughter who doesn't live with us which is the only reason I don't count her in my numbers) I'm finding myself really questioning everything. I'm at a loss. I'm a very rational person who plans everything out to the last detail and it's killing me (in a good way) that motherhood is just one of those irrational things that happens to you. And if you think I mean that unkindly, I do not. It's just that the decision to have someone else completely and utterly hold your heart and welfare in their tiny little hands isn't exactly rational. I can't protect myself...I'm at his mercy. I thought I knew love when I married my husband. And I did. A version of it. But comparing the love you feel for a spouse and the love you feel for your children is like comparing a puddle to the ocean. It's unfathomable how much I love my children. I didn't expect motherhood to change me in the ways that it has.

While motherhood is heart-wrenching sometimes, I can't imagine who I would be if not a mother. I can't..and won't...imagine it. The rewards are so much greater than the sacrifices (and let me tell you, there are MANY sacrifices). When I had Drake, it was like my heart was wrenched open and bled dry. Every beat has been for him since 12:41am on November 22, 2007. I love him so much it hurts.

So is this the last time that my heart will bleed for someone else? I don't know. I feel like someone is maybe missing from our family, but I worry that this will be the last of my pregnancies. This one came so unexpectantly and so quickly upon the first that I feel like I haven't had time to stop and just breathe, much less enjoy being pregnant. There's nothing like being pregnant to make you feel like a woman. I know I hate certain things about pregnancy, but I honestly love the round, full belly. I love the thought that I carry my child with my every single second of every single day, sheltered by me. I love all the little nudges and kicks, even the ones in the ribs at 2 am. It means my little guy's doing well, and that's enough for me.

So is this it? My last seven days EVER of being pregnant? I'm not sure. It seems so anti-climatic. All I know is that I'm relishing every last little kick, flutter, twist, and turn that he does. I'm holding him a lot and talking to him a lot. I will miss being pregnant.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...