Guilt

Today both boys started preschool. I have very mixed and conflicting feelings about this. I'm so so excited that they're somewhere they love, getting some great attention, and socializing with other children. They're also learning how to follow directions, listen to another adult figure, and be polite. All of these things are wonderful and I'm excited because it's such great practice for when Drake starts school next year.

But it's awfully quiet here. All by myself. No little running feet. No thrown toys. No hugs or kisses. Gah. I miss them so much.

I felt like I was doing a disservice by staying home with them and not being able to devote every minute of every day while I was home paying attention to them (bills needed paid, house needed cleaning, etsy orders needed completing...). Guilt. Since I'm starting a new job they have to start daycare anyway and since the slot was available now we have to take it now (even though I haven't started my job just yet). So they're in daycare. And I feel guilt. Again.

Maybe that's the mark of a good mother (please, please let it be). That I always constantly worry about them and wish and hope and pray that I'm making the right choices for them. To give them every advantage they need. To raise conscientious and compassionate and well-rounded individuals.